louis ck

My Wife Hates Me – What Can I Do?

My Wife Hates me is a very strong statement for a man to make. the first thing you need to ask yourself is Am I really sure that this is the case? has she actually said the words I hate you or is this an assumption you have made based on her behavior?

If the answer is Yes, then there are a number of things you must analyze. Firstly, when did this behavior start? try to pinpoint a moment in time when you first came to this conclusion. if she hasn’t actually said it but you are fairly sure that she does, the first step you need to take towards mending the problem is to establish how and when it began.

As well as analyzing her behavior you also need to carefully analyze your own. You need to look at how you may have changed around the time that the problem came to the fore. You need to look at many different areas but here are a few examples.

• Are you still paying her the same attention as you used to?
• Have you been taking her more for granted nowadays?
• Are you away from home more than you used to be, maybe spending more time on a hobby or with friends or work
• Do you still tell her that you love her?
• Do you still bring her little gifts and surprises for no reason?
• Do you still pay her compliments and thank her for things she has done for you such as preparing the dinner or ironing your clothes?
• Are you still intimate with each other, and do you make time to be with each other, like go to the cinema or go out for a meal?
• Have your circumstances changed, are you still able to support the family financially?

You also need to analyze her behavior. What answers do you think she would give to the questions above? My wife hates me is a very sad statement for any man to make,so, you need a plan to turn this thing around and I’ve got the perfect plan for you.

Weekly Top Five: Albert Pujols, Chris Paul, the Marlins, Tim Tebow, and Other Stuff

Each week Stephen Teach-Me-How-To Douglas and I will recap some of the bigger stories from the lively week in athletics. It’s a completely original idea that we started over 23 months ago. Every time this post appears, a bunch of people start throwing pretzels at Whitey Ford. as always, please remember to be as irrational as possible when interacting with your fellow TBL commenters.

It’s worth noting that every man on the planet wants to play the boob bongos on Paulina Gretzky.

1. Chris Paul, Chris Paul, Chris Paul TSH — NBA stars belong in big markets because casual fans don’t care about small market teams. The NBA will always have the diehard fans so the real key is to entice those who tune in for the sizzle. see: Heat, Miami. The owners didn’t do the league any favors by vetoing the Chris Paul trade last night, but perhaps David Stern feels that CP3 is best suited for the new York Knicks.

CRM — This is among the things that I completely missed during my drive from NYC to Albany last night. (Jetsetter brag? Check.) I got home and saw that Chris Paul wasn’t a Laker, I thought, “Duh.” Then I saw he was for a brief moment and I was all, “Whaaa!?” Then I saw what had happened with the league vetoing the trade and I was like, “That shit cray!” Seriously though – that stuff is pretty fucked.

1a: Farewell Community…

2. Albert Pujols to the Angels TSH — Undies Albert played 11 tremendously productive seasons for the Cardinals and carried himself in a respectable manner as the clear face of the organization. They also won the World Series twice during that span. if he never played another game he would still be a first ballot Hall of Famer. so try and keep your pants on, Cardinal fans. You’re acting obnoxious and self-entitled, like a bunch of Spaulding Smails clones.

CRM — Sooooo close! Luckily, Pujols will be 58 or something by the time his contract ends. for now the Marlins get the smiling Jose Reyes. as long as Hanley makes nice and drives in runs, we don’t need Pujols. as for St. Louis, it sucks that they lose Pujols. he did seem like one of those guys that could spend a career in one city. The fact that he walked away for a few extra million and the chance to DH in a couple years is pretty shitty.

3. Tim Tebow’s Tebow Time Starring Tim Tebow TSH — CBS and NBC fought over Tim Tebow this week. Everyone on Twitter fought about Tim Tebow this week. Everyone fights about Tim Tebow every week. why? because it’s Tim Tebow, the CEO of moving the needle. if you aren’t rooting for Tim Tebow to make the playoffs, along with the rest of the Broncos, you must deeply despise spectacles. I strongly suggest changing that up and embracing the colorful chaos.

CRM — Fucking Tebow man. what can you do? It doesn’t matter that he kind of sucks because he’s got that winning magic. I’m OK with that. at first I was rooting for his failure, but now I just enjoy watching how he somehow wills his team to victory ever week. what can you do?

4. The Miami Marlins TSH — They’re baaaaaaaack. But is this really how it’s going to be? The Marlins have done this before. if they truly become a team that consistently spends big each year, I will welcome it like a bulbous set of tits. The Hot Stove wasn’t even turned on until these guys showed up in Dallas with their grapefruits.

CRM — I’m still adjusting to the Miami thing. The new uniforms kill the thing that originally drew Kid CRM to the team – teal. I guess when you only have 2 World Series titles in your history, a change of name and color scheme is acceptable. Now we’ve signed a bunch of good players and can try to actually win again.

5. something about the NFL TSH — Sunday night in Dallas is where we find out if the Giants plan on making the playoffs. I’m counting on NBC for a healthy helping of Jerry Jones pacing in his suite while his son, who looks like Jerry with a black wig, nervously looks on.

CRM — The NFL needs to play Thursday games all season. That is all.

Honorable Mention Little Spurrier Urban Riley has morons for parents … Tim McCarver somehow honored … a fucking hat!

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Last Week’s Query Poll Results: Having Clark Griswold carve your Thanksgiving turkey over Cliff Huxtible was the preference of many. Final score: 105-46.

Query of the Week…

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This Week in Retarded Pictures of Snooki

TSH — Snooki’s new fragrance is somehow not called a Slice of Beef Curtains. And yes, she definitely got a rack extension.

CRM — Snu snu?

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One of the Best Songs ever Sung

[Photos via Getty, The Superficial]

Technical Industries buys C-K Plastics

TORRINGTON, CONN. (Dec. 5, 3:30 p.m. ET) — Technical Industries inc. has expanded into blow molding and extrusion with the purchase of C-K Plastics inc. of St. Louis, Mo.

Terms of the Dec. 1 deal were not disclosed.

Technical since 1994 has been a certified female-owned injection molding company, and has remained so after the acquisition.

“That gets us leads for OEMs who want to do business with diversity-owned businesses,” said Technical President and CEO Susan Parent in a telephone interview from C-K’s office in St. Louis, Mo.

“The current competitive and economic forces demonstrated our need to expand our offering of products to our current and potential customers,” Parent said. “Additionally, by adding other lines of molding, this puts us in a stronger negotiating position with our suppliers to purchase material at a more competitive price.”

Technical of Torrington, Conn., said C-K Plastics will remain in operation in St. Louis as a division of Technical and will continue to support its existing customers. Eventually each operation will offer similar processing capabilities.

Technical employs 30 in a 26,000-square-foot facility. It custom molds parts in 31 injection presses ranging up to 240 tons. It has a climate-controlled plant, uses renewable energy and offers mold design and engineering services.

The acquisition announcement was made jointly with C-K Plastics President Dianne Chitwood. C-K Plastics can extrusion blow mold parts as big as 1.25 pounds. It can blow mold intricate parts in short runs. It extrudes tubing up to 4 inches in diameter with up to half-inch wall thickness as well as profiles. C-K Plastics has used the services of an outside injection molder to offer filled and unfilled resins in shot sizes up to 110 ounces on presses up to 610 tons. Parent said that third party molding arrangement will continue.

C-K Plastics employs 23 in a 43,000-square-foot facility. It runs seven extrusion lines and three blow molders. It was established in 1978.

Parent said C-K Plastics will retain its management with the exception of Chitwood, who will concentrate on her other business, Miller LLC, a distributor of architectural products in St. Louis. Chitwood felt C-K Plastics needed to expand but didn’t have the resources to do so and she therefore sold it, according to Parent.

Technical is certified under the International Trade in Arms Restrictions whereby it has agreed not to send confidential information to foreign countries to protect Dept. of Defense work.

Technical and C-K Plastics both count their major markets in retail, construction, industrial, medical, wholesale and OEMs.

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Louis CK Vs Seinfeld: Clean Or Blue Comedy, Which Is Better?

Outside of the creative merits of Dane Cook’s act, few topics in the stand-up comedy business generate more debate than whether to play clean or blue.

And in case you’re so new to the business that you’re unfamiliar with the meaning of blue, it refers to jokes about skies and oceans and Paul Newman’s eyes. and if you believe this, you may want to instead perhaps consider a career as a pastry chef or an insurance claims adjuster.

Blue represents dirty. it means saying sh*t, f*ck, c*ck, d*ck, c*nt, p*ssy and all other naughty-related words while making sex the basis for most jokes. Louis C.K., Joe Rogan, Bob Saget and Dave Attell are all examples of blue acts.

Clean refers to jokes that avoid swearing and topics on sex, race and drugs. Brian Regan, Rocky LaPorte, Wendy Liebman and Jerry Seinfeld are all examples of clean comics.

There is no right or wrong to this debate. You’ve got to write and perform material that reflects your comedic sensibilities. otherwise, if you’re not comfortable saying the material, your audience won’t be comfortable listening to it.

Pros and Cons

Pros: everyone gets a dick joke. outside of fart jokes it’s comedy’s most guaranteed-to-get-a-laugh topic that transcends race, gender and age. and no matter how old or how hacky the joke is, it will always generate laughs. there are comics on the circuit who still get applause breaks for telling the old What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball joke.

But this is not to imply that dick jokes are hacky. there are many, many clever blue comedians with brilliantly funny acts who are considered the best in the business and generate massive followings.

And if there is any doubt to the universal popularity of blue acts, check out ticket sales at comedy festivals. It’s the blue shows that always sell out.

Cons: as the saying goes, Anyone can write a dick joke. more comedians play blue than clean. some within the industry estimate that 90% of all working comedians perform blue. so if you’re going to advance as a dirty comedian, you must work hard at distinguishing yourself from every other blue act. you either have to take dirty to a whole new, over-the-top level (Lisa Lampanelli is a prime example), or somehow give it a new spin based on perspective or delivery.

And plus, playing blue limits your work options. Performing dirty disqualifies you from lucrative corporate shows, most cruise ships and even some comedy clubs.

Pros: Playing clean gives you many more venue options. as a clean comedian you can work high-paying corporate shows, perform the cruise ship circuit and work any club. plus, if you catch the attention of a TV show producer, you already have a TV-friendly act that requires no editing or watering down.

And given the fact that most comics perform blue, playing clean gives you a unique perspective by default.

Cons: clean jokes are harder to write and, sometimes, to perform. Not having the word f*ck in your comedy arsenal for joke emphasis (the word f*ck is comedy’s version of a joke condiment; it can enhance any punch line) is difficult. For example, which sounds funnier:

That friggin’ giraffe
That darn giraffe
That f*cking giraffe

And plus, as a clean comedian you will always find it difficult to follow a blue act. Which explains why clean headliners always request clean acts in front of them.